3 Ways to Avoid Being A People-Pleaser

“Can’t you just give me something for constipation?”

I rested my stethoscope on her wrinkled belly and heard nothing. I pushed down gently and she jerked in pain. 

“I think you need to go the hospital,” I said. “You can barely stand me touching your stomach and you haven’t passed gas all day.”  

“But, can’t you just give me medicine?”

“Victory in Tough Seasons BG” by Lee Steele (modified by Shannon Gianotti)

I hate moments like this. Medicine—despite how it seems on TV—isn’t a perfect science. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell if someone need surgery or if they’re just backed up. And, no one wants to spend six hours at the hospital to find out that they were, after all, just constipated.

At moments like this, I have to make sure I’m making the best decision and not just the one my patient wants.

Aren’t Christians Supposed to be People-Pleasers? 

People-pleasing is complicated, especially for Christians. The Apostle Paul told Christians to “[d]o nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 3:2). So, how do we know if we’re valuing-others-above-ourselves or if we’re just people-pleasing?

Three Questions to Sort it Out

1. Will pleasing this person ultimately harm them? I sent my patient to the hospital that day, because her symptoms raised the possibility of a life-threatening condition. The ER doctor rushed her to surgery for a paralytic ileum. If I had given her what she wanted, she might have died at home. 

2. Will pleasing this person negatively impact others? Often, as I’m leaving the room after a full appointment, patients will bring up some knee pain, leg tingling, or toenail fungus and want me to address it. I want to help because I know that copays are expensive, but I’m already behind schedule from dealing with their diabetes, depression, blood pressure, swelling, and gout. 

In these moments I have to remember that helping this patient means keeping every other patient waiting for the rest of the day. Unless the extra problem is an emergency, that’s just not fair. 

3. Will pleasing this person compromise my integrity? Recently, a patient returned to my office asking for stronger pain pills. I’d referred her to multiple specialists, but she never went. Due to past trauma, she had anxiety over seeing new doctors. When I told her that she must see a specialist, she began to cry. She just wanted me to manage her pain.

Her tears pulled me in. I felt horrible. But, she needed specialized care and my license was on the line. Continuing to prescribe high-dose pain-killers, without treating her underlying problems, made me liable to the Texas Board of Nursing.

Truly Serving—Not Just Pleasing—Others

Yes, following Jesus involves sacrificing for others. But, when we confuse people-pleasing with actual service, we risk ultimately harming that person, negatively impacting others, and compromising our own integrity. Sometimes, saying “no” is the best way to care. 

Question: How do you resist the pressure to be a people-pleaser? Share your answer on Facebook or Twitter.